she woke up with a sticky ear
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
