what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
