I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
