mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
