I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
