i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
