I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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