I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
