"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
