Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
