Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Randomize
