I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
