Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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