I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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