She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
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