i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
