I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
