I like to think it a success when the cops are called
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just cut my nipple shaving
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Randomize
