I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just found puke in my bra..
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
