Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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