omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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