You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
