True but thats because hes a fetus.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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