He is such a slut. More and more my type.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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