In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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