dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
