i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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