I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
