just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
