Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize
