You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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