I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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