I think im going to throw up on grandma
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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