I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
