Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Farmville is her only friend.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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