So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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