I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
After tacos, we're chasing women.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
