The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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