I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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