Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
