I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
