every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
