You're completely useless in the revolution.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
