You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
we made out on top of his cat.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
