he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
