Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
