she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Less talking, more tequila
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
