and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
