That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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