he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Blood and glitter go together right?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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