i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
